Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Me as a kid

I had this idea of writing a piece about how I was as a kid.

This idea was sparked by a friend posting a pic of all her school agendas from 5th grade to DEP on facebook. Then, I found that I couldn't remember what my 6th grade agenda looked like, but I remembered the drawings I had made of our English teacher which were actually... kind of crazy for a kid my age (nothing bloody but involved sexuality in an odd way and no, I haven't been touched inappropriately as a kid).

For as far as I can remember, how things worked is something that always intrigued me. I was a very curious child. I obsessed with what I now know to be called Pythagorean switches. I wanted to build Pythagorean switches so bad. Unfortunately, the only thing I had to build them were Lego, a few marbles, a few "useful" toys and kitchen items. That didn't make for very fulfilling or satisfying Pythagorean switches. I loved dominoes falling over each other too. It seems like there is something in chain reactions that I really got off on.

I loved video games. I also loved when my dad brought his computer when he came to visit me. I learned to print text on the printer before I learned to read. Har. Being daring and not afraid to break it allowed me to find the magic button that made things print out. My dad was impressed and very proud.

I was an energetic and adventurous child. Adventurous but not careless. I loved to climb, go to places in nature, discover old abandoned things in the forest. I think I kind of was a natural leader. I would come up with ideas (sometimes crazy or mischievous ones that would get us in trouble) and other kids would follow me (I can only recall being ratted out by some ass licking cowards a very FEW times). I remember a classmate in elementary school telling me that I was always full of ideas and I remember telling her that she had ideas too, because I was nice and I didn't want her to feel inferior or feel like shit by comparing herself to me. I wasn't very aware that I had that many ideas either. I should have told her that she was very observant, as she was the only kid who had ever come to a conclusion definite enough about it to tell me. However, that concept and level of reasoning were totally beyond me at that time.

I wasn't aware that I stood out for my ideas. I wasn't aware that I stood out for anything. I simply had very little self-awareness and looking back, I now realize that I was probably seen as a rather awkward kid by other kids. I don't think I ever really had friends. I had a few playmates but no real friends. I wouldn't bond emotionally with other kids very well. Kids in school weren't inclined to play with me, understandably. I was probably way too bossy, a result of having ideas and wanting to carry them out over wanting to bond with other kids. Starting grade 2 I began having tics, which didn't help. I was sometimes bullied by a few kids too, but I thought they were just bitches being bitches and that I was just an easy pick for the bitches. It was tiring and eroding but I never took it personally. Cunts being cunts. I wasn't the problem, they were. That's how I saw it.

I can't tell which caused the other, being cast out or being out of the loop on many things which caused me to be cast out. I remember kids playing pretend to be "red", "pink", "white", "black" at school. I had no idea what they were talking about. No amount of asking what the f*** was going on got me their attention and inclusion. Someone ended up telling me they were playing pretend power rangers probably because they were tired of me asking. I only knew years later (and by years later I mean a few years ago) what the hell power rangers were about besides people in ugly latex costumes on tv.

I remember purposely catching early on the BackStreet Boys just to be in the loop on the next one (because frankly, I wouldn't have given a f*** about the BSB otherwise). I was made aware that they were the new cool thing thanks to an older roommate at the hospital who shown me a kind of leaflet with all the 5 group members on it, asking me which one I found the most handsome. After a rather clueless deliberation (in which "which one is the less unattractive" was the criteria) and after being clued in many times by the girl pointing Nick Carter and asking me "This one right?", I ended up agreeing and pointing Nick Carter. The girl was happy that I agreed with her (she was debating with her friend on which one between Brian and Nick looked the most Handsome). I really couldn't care less about any of these guys or what they looked like, but I knew that I would need to have a favorite one if I wanted to be "in", so Nick it was. It turned out that being in the loop with other kids wasn't as gratifying or fun as I thought it would be and sure wasn't worth the trouble of faking interest in something that did not interest me. I did end up liking their music in the process though. So when the Spice Girls came up, I didn't follow the trend. I actually thought that the caricatures they were were annoying, stupid and ugly. I still do. So I just kept saying that BSB > Spice Girls while the other girls were all "Ew no.", probably for fitting in reasons because if you look back, I think I was right. BSB > SG. Forever.

Looking back, it seems like I was aware of some social norms, but did not have interest in them.

I loved to pull pranks. Good and bad ones. Actually, they weren't really pranks. I just did whatever I wanted because I was bored. Throwing latex gloves filled with water from the 5th hospital floor is one that comes to my mind. Erasing whole pages of school books being another. The pranks I was pulling directly on people were harmless ones.

Even though I was a bad girl at times, adults seemed to like me. I am not exactly sure why but I guess I somehow stood out. My 6th grade teacher didn't like me though. I wasn't aware of it at the time but my 2 friends years later told to me that she really didn't like me. I would often correct the mistakes she'd make on the blackboard. It probably had something to do with it.... xD

I knew the alphabet, time and how to count past 100 long before I entered kindergarten. My mom didn't want to teach me to read by fear that I'd be bored in 1st grade. My kindergarten teacher suggested that I skip right to the 1st grade, but my mom didn't want me to end up being the youngest in my class and being cast out. I think I am grateful she didn't knowing which kind of people I would have been with and how it would have affected the rest of my life, but then I wish she hadn't let my potential be wasted. I think the best would have been for me to be home-schooled, but that was out of the question since we were poor.. I really wish she had done it though. I would probably have been done with elementary school much earlier if I had been home-schooled.

I was very often distracted in school. Was is distraction? I think it's more like I was understimulated. Chatting, crafting, drawing, playing with my stuff. I still managed to get rather good grades for someone whose attention was obviously not there most of the time.

At 10 years old I discovered a passion for astronomy. From 10 to 12 years old I wanted to become an astrophysicist. I got over the idea when my dad told me how much time I'd have to spend in school for that. He tried to encourage me by telling me I could do it (he really believed I could and he was probably right), but I really didn't want to.

In 6th grade my teacher had told me to copy the definition of a word 100 times. She didn't think about the fact that the word had more than one definition, so I purposely picked the wrong one and handed it pack with the best pokerface ever. Trololololololol. :D
I would also do the copies word by word from the top to bottom... for example.. I I I I I I I I won't won't won't won't won't won't won't and so on. It was much faster that way and I was done under 15 minutes. The one thing I got many times to copy was "I won't chew gum in class" because I would always forget to throw my chewing gum away when coming back from home. The copies didn't help reminding me to throw my chewing gum away, ODDLY. It might have been because I actually FORGOT to throw it away, not tried to keep my chewing gum in spite of the fact that it was prohibited, dumbass. So anyway... I think that after 3-5 copies she realized it wasn't working... so she started telling me to throw away my gum when we came back from home. THAT worked.

I think that's it for now... I might add some things another time.

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